3 Little Criminals
by ProphetNoak
Summary: After a simple task to stop some ANBU from giving away intel on Akatsuki this group of S-Ranked criminals are left with 3 little kids named Itachi, Sasori and Kakuzu Rated T just to be safe
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:Simple Mission

Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, Kakuzu, Sasori, and Deidara were all on the same mission. There were a group of ANBU who had gathered some intel on the Akatsuki and now they need to be killed before any information were to get leaked out. But of course being ANBU they won't be easy so Pein sent his best (and more frankly his only men) out to take care of this job. But of course sense it was Akatsuki there was going to be complaing, bickering, and attemptive murder along the way. Speaking of which here comes Hidan.

"Oy! Can we hurry it up already! I swear to fucking Jashin I will sacrifice all of you fuckers!" Hidan said "Hidan shut up! You might give away our position" Kakuzu said "Shut the fuck up Kakuzu! I'll sacrifice your cheap sorry ass to Lord Jashin!" "You wanna go Heathen!?" "Let's go you fucker!" "Itachi you know what to do" Kisame said to his partner, Itachi nodded and used Sharingan on both Kakuzu and Hidan and they stopped immediately "Now listen here your both gonna have us fail this mission if you don't keep quiet!" Kisame yelled, but just then a Kunai gets thrown and the whole Akatsuki jumps out of the way before it explodes.

Just then 3 ANBU men and their leader come out "so you must be the Akatsuki" said the ANBU leader

"No shit Sherlock!" Hidan yelled "You better keep that info confidential or else" Sasori said "Pft you don't scare us!" Said one of the ANBU "Just try an-" "Heishi whats wrong!?" said the ANBU leader "It looks like your little friend is stuck in my friends Genjutsu un" said Deidara pointing to Itachi, There lay Heishi on the ground as he is seeing horrible images of who knows what "Now you scared un?" Asked Deidara "Not at all, Koishii you go protect Heishi, Menba you help me take on the Akatsuki" "Yes Rida-Sensei" Said both Koishii and Menba "Now let's do this" said Rida "I guess you don't value your life then if your taking on 6 Akatsuki members when there's only 2 of you" said Kakuzu "With our power we can defeat every single one of you!" Shouted Rida "Is that a challenge a merely just apart of an imagenary world where things like that don-" Kisame was cut short by the powerful punch of Menba. Kisame wiped some of the mouth blood from his bleeding lip "Don't let your guard down Kisame, Remember these are ANBU we're dealing with" Itachi said "Are we gonna fight or just stand here talking?" Said Rida "I say-" Kisame flings Samehada at Rida but Rida dodges it easily "-lets fight"

As the fight was starting to begin Koishii was almost done getting Heishi out of this Genjutsu, he just needed a bit more time. But then Hidan came over "Your all gonna make great sacrifices for Lord Jashin!" Just then Hidan starts to represent what looks like a skeleton. "C,mon! Just a few more minutes" Koishii said worryingly as he was afraid this could be his last battle. So Koishii had to act fast, while using one hand to heal his teammate he tries to focus his other hand to do this "Fire Style: Fire Ball Jutsu!" Koishii hit Hidan with hard force you "Why you fucker! I 'oughtta-" "Waterstyle: Water Ball Jutsu!" Heishi said hitting Hidan "You sure you ready fight Heishi?" "You know nothing can take me down" Heishi said with a big grin on his face.

Menba got hit by Sasori's puppets poison and couldn't move her left arm at all "Now you die" Sasori said walking closer, Menba got out some shruikens and threw them at the 3rd Kazekage puppet. The Kazekage started to crack a little. Menba continued to throw shruikens at he Kazekage and as it was about to burst into smithereens Sasori used the 3rd Kazekage to shoot one last poison strike as Menba threw 3 shruiken, 2 of the shruiken disintegrated by the poison but the 1 last shruiken hit the Kazekage and he broke apart. But it wasn't a total win as a few of the poison ended up hitting her right arm now making her arms incapable of movement "You may have destroyed my greatest work of art but at least you won't be able to fight back" Sasori continued walking closer to Menba. "Fire Style: Fire Dragon Jutsu!" Koishii said as a fire dragon attacked Sasori with full force "Don't worry Menba I'll heal you" As Koishii was about to start healing her a big thick sword was impaled right through him "AAAGH!" "KOISHII!" Menba yelled as she saw her friend bleeding from the his chest all the way down "mmm his chakra tastes, Delicious" Kisame said taking his sword out of Koishii's body "You'll pay for that you asshole!" Memba said getting up "Ha! Your chakra might taste a bit raw with that poison flowing threw your body but who knows" 'Ugh I'm gonna have to try to use my legs to fight him' Menba thought

Rida could barely get a hit on Deidara with him throwing these clay bombs faster then the speed of light "My art is the ultimate!" Deidara yelled. Just then Rida had an idea, she did a couple of hand signs then stood completely still as she got hit by a dozen clay bombs. As the smoke cleared it reveals nobody there, Deidara looked confused but to have the next second a kunai stabbed in his back. Then Rida started performing some taijutsu moves that at first Deidara was able to block but later lost control and was getting beat up left and right and soon was on the ground in a pool of his own blood. "Fire Style: Fire Ball Jutsu" Itachi said aiming at Rida but Rida was able to dodge it and was now facing Itachi but hearing so much about the great Uchiha knew not to look directly in his eyes. This was going to be a tough battle.

Heishi had just finished beating Hidan and as he was about to get attacked by the flames of Kakuzu Heishi grabbed Hidan's scythe and blocked the flames with it. "Do you really think you can defeat an immortal" "I heard the same thing from this idiot right here" Heishi said pointing to Hidan "Well like you said he's an idiot now prepare to die" Kakuzu started attacking with his many stitches but Heishi just continued blocking all of his attacks with the scythe even causing some damage but cutting off a few of the stitches. Finally Kakuzu was able to knock away the scythe and attack him with his stitches causing some serious damage. Kakuzu was able to keep him still as he caused more damage with some jutsu's of his, as he let go of Heishi, Heishi could barely get up, he was just dead on the ground. But quickly he got up and kicked Kakuzu in the face as he got up gathering up whatever fight he had left in him "hmm your very strong for someone so young, I guess thats why your in the ANBU" "We're going to defeat you and and we will make sure that information gets passed on to our intel" "I'm afraid that can't happen, and it looks like your going to fall soon, So I might as well finish the job I started" Kakuzu said once again again performing some jutsu's on Heishi who is trying to block but is doing a poor job doing so.

Kisame walked closer to Menba as he thought she would be an easy target being unable to move her arms. But what he didn't expect is a kick to the face. As she started to preform some taijutsu, but only being able to only use her legs was a bit complicated not to mention her taijutsu wans't exactly her strong suit in combat. Kisame was able to deflect all of her kicks with no problem and every time she didn't kick he attacked her with samahada draining her chakra. After every kick she just kept feeling weaker and weaker and her legs feeling wobbly more and more and soon enough she fell from exhaustion. Kisame was about to drain whatever little chakra she had left until he felt a kick to the groin and an uppercut to the face by Koishii but he too fell from exhaustian next to Menba. "Koishii I thought he killed you" Menba said shakily and out of breath "I gathered up the remainders of my chakra and healed enough of my wounds to help" as he finished that sentence Kisame came charging in but Koishii was able to block his attack to protect Menba "don't worry Menba... I'll protect you"

Itachi was kicking the crap out of Rida, Using fire jutsu's and diversions to destroy Rida both mentally and physically but still even after this whole fight Rida still hadn't looked in Itachi's sharingan eyes and Itachi noticed it too "Your very smart not looking into my eyes... However not looking into my eyes could be the cause of your downfall" now Rida had to think, should she take the risk of looking into his eyes or continue her plan of looking at his body not falling for sharingan. "Your just trying to fool me, plus I already know your battle style" Rida said now giving a sly smirk. She started dodging all of Itachi's attacks even landing a few on the Uchiha "It is true what they say about you Itachi, You are very strong but you are also very repetitive" "hn but you never looked into my eyes, get ready for your downfall to begin" Itachi now activated Mangekyo Sharingan "Amaterasu!" The black flames started tracing its way towards Rida, as it her she was screaming in pain as her whole body was getting burned.

Heishi was literally an inch away from Kakuzu's stitched up face as fire was forming in his mouth "now prepare to die" Kakuzu was about to shoot flames through his mouth but quickly Heishi did some hand signs and squirted water through his mouth dying out the flames and he got released from Kakuzu's grip "Don't forget I'm ANBU we don't give up too easily" "And you shouldn't forget that we're Akatsuki a group of S-ranked criminals we've killed many ANBU before you" Heishi eyes went wide thinking how he could be one of the many dead ANBU "though I must admit I haven't had a good fight with an ANBU in years, so I must give you that much" Kakuzu then did the hand signs for a fire jutsu as Heishi did the hand signs for a water jutsu "(Fire)(Water) Style: (Fire)(Water) Jutsu" They were now in a stand off between fire and water to see which of the jutsu's would win and who would get the upper hand in this fight.

Koishii and Kisame were in the same circumstance where the battle between water and fire would give the other the upper hand in the battle. Sadly for Koishii he had lost for Kisame's water was far more surperior. Kisame jumped in the air and tried to do a finishing blow on Koishii but Koishii was able to move out of the way and get up fast enough. Koishii took a quick glance at Menba and saw how bad she looked 'I need to go over there and heal Menba-' his thought was interrupted by the attack done by Kisame 'but I also need to get fish face out of my face long enough to heal her, but how?' just as Kisame swung another strike it just gave Koishii an idea. As Kisame went in to swing again he grabbed samahada and yanked it away from him, It hurt Koishii and it was heavy for him too "heh, what did you accomplish from stealing samahada? You don't know how to use its power" "Your right I don't know how to use it... But" Koishii went and threw samahada far "I know your weaker without it" Koishii then started throwing attacks left and right, and without samahada to block Kisame had no defense on him and was just getting beaten up. Soon enough Kisame was down "Now to heal Menba"

Rida was stuck in Amaterasu as she could feel her body burn and her skin melt. "HOW DO I ESCAPE THIS!" Rida yelled at the top of her lungs. Itachi chcukled "Hn there is no way out your going to burn a slow painful death" Itachi said but as she was burning she remembered something... "I looked into his eyes when he activated Mangekyo Sharingan!" suddenly the burning feeling stopped "none of this is real" she then pushed the black flame away and returned into the real world. "Smart. Most people don't escape my genjustu so easily" "I won't be looking this time! Now your done" Rida then landed a few moves and finished him off.

Finally only one Akatsuki member laid left and it was Kakuzu, And her still had a lot of fight left in him. Unlike Heishi who could barely stand at this point continued to fight. The fire was beating the water slowly and slowly as the fire got closer and closer, Heishi couldn't take this he was about to cave. Until out of nowhere he gathered up all the chakra he could got back up and his water attack got stronger and now the water was getting closer to Kakuzu but Kakuzu wasn't one to give up and he tried but his chakra wasn't strong enough and Heishi's water attacked overpowered Kakuzu and Kakuzu had failed and was down.

Everyone was now up both the ANBU team and The Akatsuki team "Looks like we won here" Heishi said "Don't count on it" All the Akatsuki members looked like they were ready to go for round 2 "Oh no you don't!" Rida said as she did a few hand signs and attacked "Retreat!" Kisame yelled as all the members disappeared in the vast of smoke. "Well though there still out there at least we won the battle" Koishii said "Rida Sensei, What was that jutsu you fired at them before they left?" Menba asked and Rida gave a big smirk

The Akatsuki members re-appeared in their hideout "So, Did you complete the mission?" Pein asked "I'm sorry Leader-Sama Mission Failed" "Ah, What are these things touching my feet?" He looked down to see a 4 year old Itachi, a 5 year old Sasori, and a 5 year old Kakuzu (with no stitches I might add) "Oh no" Pein said "This is not good!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Stupid Jutsu

The whole Akatsuki was in stun shock to see three of there toughest, fiercest, and bruiting Akatsuki members be turned into little four year old children. "How in the world did this happen?" Pein asked but it was more of a demand "We don't know Leader-Sama we're just as shocked as you are" Kisame said "Well we're going to have to cancel all missions until we get this situation solved, I shall do my best to figure out a reversal jutsu but in the mean time Kisame you take care of Itachi, Hidan you take care of Kakuzu and Deidara you take care of Sasori and Tobi" "But Leader-Sama Tobi didn't get effected by the jutsu un" "Yes I know, Now are we clear on what to do?" "Yes Leader-Sama!" They all said in unison "Then go"

Deidara went to pick up Sasori, Sasori aloud him to do that but he jumped out of his skin by the touch of Deidara. As they were just walking to their room which is a short distance away Sasori was shaking uncontrollably and his eyes were full of fear and all of his thoughts were 'Where am I, Whats going on?, Why am I here? I'm scared'. Finally the duo entered the room and Deidara placed Sasori on his bed safely "Why the scared look kid un?" Sasori just stayed silent "Aha so your one of the shy ones un" Sasori just looked up at him with the same look he's had "Do I at least get to know your name un?" "S-Sasori" He stuttered "Nice to meet you Sasori I'm Deidara I'll be taking care of you?" Deidara stuck out his hand for Sasori to shake but Sasori just stared "What? Do I not even get a handshake un?" Sasori stuck out his hand and they shook hands. Sasori winced in pain by Deidara's grip but Deidara wasn't even gripping that hard, in fact he was using his lightest grip. Deidara let go and Sasori rubbed his hand trying to ease the pain 'Is this really what Sasori-no-Danna was like as a kid un?, Maybe thats not really danna? I should check' "Hey Sasori do you think art should be eternal or fleeting un?" "I t-think it s-should be e-eternal" 'Yep thats Danna all right' Deidara thought making an anime sweat drop face

Kisame attempted to pick up Itachi but Itachi quickly stepped back "I can walk hn" Itachi said trying to act all mature "Alright but my room is on the other side of the base" they started walking to the room and half way there Itachi was panting but he was trying to hide it. It didn't go unnoticed by Kisame though "Alright this is annoying me" Kisame picked up Itachi with one single swoop but Itachi wouldn't stand for it "nononononono lemme go!" "Oh shut it I'm not gonna listen to you pant the whole way" Itachi looked down and mumbled "I wasn't panting" Itach just glared daggers at the floor the whole way there. Kisame opened the door to the room and set Itachi on the bed still glaring at the floor "You just gonna glare at the floor all day?" "Maybe" "Why?" "Cause I'm mad at you" "Be mad at me all you want I didn't do anything and your stuck with me" "You picked me up when I told you not to" "Itachi you would've passed out from exhaustion if I didn't" "Nuh Uh!" "Itachi your a kid, your legs are short, I already knew you were gonna get tired" "I wasn't tiwed! I was just making sure I was breathing!" "Itachi calm down. Your getting fussy over nothing" "I don't get fussy!" "Itachi!" Kisame picks up Itachi and Itachi starts crying "N-no p-p-please don't s-spank me" Kisame was shocked to not only thinking that he would spank him but seeing Itachi cry really hard "Shh Itachi it's okay shhh I wasn't going to spank you, why would you think that?" "B-Because I'm a b-bad b-boy" Itachi's cries continued falling down his face "shhh your not bad Itachi" "But Kaa-San said-" "I don't care what Kaa-San said, your a good boy do you understand?" Itachi Nodded slowly as he wiped his tears off "Here" Kisame grabbed a box of tissues pulled one out and held it up to Itachi's nose "Now blow" Itachi blew his nose into the tissue "Now I think it's time for a little nap, don't you?" Itachi nodded. Kisame tucked Itachi in and Itachi fell asleep

Hidan picked up Kakuzu and brought him to their room in total silence and Hidan set Kakuzu on the bed "So what do you like to do brat?" "I'm not a brat and I like to count money" Hidan sweat dropped anime style 'I guess some things never change' "What I meant was what do you like to do for fun?" "That is what I like to do for fun" "Oi for Jashin's sake kid you need to know what fun is" "I do know what fun is!" "No you know what boring is!" Kakuzu then slapped Hidan right on the face, you could even see a handprint "You little brat! Your ass is being sacrificed to Lord Jashin!" Kakuzu then ran into the closet and locked the door "Ha! You over looked one thing kid" Hidan pulls out his scythe and slices the door in half "I have this bad puppy" "You idiot! That door is gonna cost you money!" once again Hidan sweat dropped anime style "Anyway get!-" Hidan froze in place as he remembered what leader told him before he left ("Hidan while your taking care of Kakuzu there shall be no swearing, no killing, and no perventiveness of any kind. Are we clear?" "C,mon Leader-Sama those are some harsh-" "Are we clear!?" Pein said with a bit more voice "Yeah Yeah") Hidan sighs and puts the scythe down "Come out kid, I'm not gonna sacrifice you" "Ah so you don't have the guts to kill me" Kakuzu said with a big smirk "Trust me I could kill you anytime I want but I'm under the Leaders orders" "Sure 'Leaders orders'" Kakuzu said with quotation marks and a big smirk "Do you think I can't do it!" "No. I'm implying you can't do it" "Screw leaders orders! Get over here!" Hidan yelled chasing Kakuzu

Deidara and Sasori just talked about art, Deidara made sure he wouldn't start the Art is eternal or fleeting argument for the sake of the little boy. Deidara just looked at the little boy and just couldn't stop thinking how fragile the boy looked, like if you just gave him a light poke with your pinky he would fall over and break. So Deidara tried to be careful on what he said. "I t-think P-P-Picaso is g-great. He m-makes such g-great works of art. Too bad he's d-dead" "Yeah he made some very good art in his day un" "Y-Yeah" Sasori then just looked at the floor in shyness "So kid what else do you like besides art un?" Sasori thought for a few seconds then just stared at the floor "I-I don't k-know, t-thats it I-I guess" Deidara anime sweat dropped "Sasori I'm gonna teach you a little lesson in fun un" Sasori looked scared "H-How?" Deidara had a big smirk on his face "With this un!" Deidara said pulling out his clay "What d-does it do?" "hahaha oh you'll see un" Deidara had the biggest smirk ever. he used his palm hands to start forming the clay and Sasori just looked a bit freaked out "W-Whats w-w-with y-your h-hands?" "Just a little power I have... and done un!" Deidara said showing a little tiny clay bird "Now duck!" Deidara said and Sasori hugged the bed like there was no tomorrow as Deidara through the bird and it exploded the wall. There was a ringing in Sasori's ears but none of the less Sasori said "That was cool!" Sasori said with a big grin on his face "Again! Again!" Sasori said jumping up and down on the bed. Deidara smiled at this 'If only the grown up Sasori no Danna apreciatted this un' Deidara thought as he continued to make more clay bombs

Itachi rubbed his eyes as though he took a 40 year nap but really he slept for 5 minutes. Itachi sat up and looked around to see Kisame working on Samehada. By the corner of his eye Kisame saw that Itachi had awoken "Didn't take a very long nap now did we?" "Whaddya mean? I slept for 5. Whole. Minutes. Thats the most sleep I've gotten in years!" Kisame went wide eyed "Itachi, How long do you usually sleep?" Kisame asked concern "Oh I never sleep really I was actually really happy when I was able to fall asleep today" Kisame just listened in stun silence 'That explain those lines he has under his eyes! The boy never sleeps!' "Itachi tonight your going to sleep" "But Kisame I can't" "I don't care what you say, I'll stay up with you if I have to but I'm gonna make sure you get some sleep, is that clear?" Itachi was stunned 'He would actually stay up with me?' "O-okay" Itachi said about to cry tears of joy that someone actually cares about him.

Kakuzu though running for his life getting chassed by an S-ranked criminal about to kill him was laughing loudly with joy. 'This must be the 'fun' Hidan was talking about' "hehehe you'll never catch me! HAHAHA!" Hidan on the other hand was not the one finding this as some sort of fun game, he wanted to kill the Jashin damned kid 'damn this kid is fucking fast' "Get back here so I can kill you!" as they were running Kakuzu ran into someone, and that someone had to be Konan "heheh hi" Kakuzu said "Konan looked down to see a little Kakuzu and Konan couldn't help but squeal with joy "Awww hello Kakuzu how are- Hidan!" Hidan stopped dead in his track and turned pale face "Uh hi Konan, how's it going?" Hidan asked with a sound of fear tracing in his voice "What do you think your doing running around with your scythe?" Konan asked with a menacing tone "Oh I was just playing a game with little Kakuzu" Kakuzu smiled "Yeah! It was fun! He was chasing me around with his scythe yelling 'I'm gonna kill you' and he was swinging it around, It was so fun" Kakuzu said acting like he wasn't going to get hurt. Konan on the other hand was red with anger "Hidan I'm going to take care of Kakuzu now I'm going to have you put your scythe and anything else dangerous you have away and get the rest of the kids out here for lung. If I see as so one shuriken or kunai with you... Let's just say you better pray to your God" Hidan ran faster then Tobi after having a lot of sugar "Now c,mon Kakuzu lets go get you some food" Konan said carrying Kakuzu to the kitchen.

Hidan had put every weapon he had away and got all the kids and there caretakers to the kitchen for lunch. Konan examined Hidan throughly for weapons, after she was done she gave him a warming smile "Wow I'm impressed Hidan" "Yeah whatever I just hope we can get a reverse jutsu and fast. I hate this Stupid Jutsu" Hidan said "Same here" Kisame and Deidara said in unison


End file.
